Apathy

I've grown indifferent to everything. Numb. There is this constant frustration with living that hits me so often that I have come to just take it. No fighting back, no blocking it, just take it, like a wretched rag doll. Picked up "Man's search for meaning" from the library and after reading the first few chapters, I've realized that you don't need to be in a concentration camp to want to give up living. I got an answer from askacatholic.com. Here is some of what it says: "No matter how difficult your current situation is now, God made you for a specific purpose in life and has a specific task for you within the Church." So what I am wondering is what the hell am I here for? I do not relate to the Church anymore. I don't find that I have much in common with their lives. There are good Catholics of course, but most are as fucked up as you and I. I'll just keep plugging away for now... and hope a plane crashes into my room. I am really hating Christmas and New Year's. I have spent so many alone and it is going to be the same this year. I need hope in this hopeless situation. This may well be a "road to suicide" blog if things do not improve.