Life on autopilot

Nothing eventful to report today. Went to Church and there was this cancer boy, who had loads of surgeries and stuff taken out of him. He was smiling and cheerful, even if very weak. I am ashamed that he has a greater desire to live than I have. But nothing is changing the way I feel. I am becoming increasingly frustrated as even simple things are taking an incredibly roundabout route to finish. I don't have the thrill of living anymore, like I have lost that little voice inside that tells me "this is what life is about". My life is now on autopilot. Body and mind are functional but spirit is dead. No wonder tons of people smoke, drink and do drugs (not that I'm going to, already fucked as is). I have decided long ago not to compromise my expectations of life. There is no point lowering your standards until even a loser life feels great. Yet right now, I do not enjoy anything anymore.