Hung over

Drank too much last night and have a hangover now. I did this because I was feeling really down. I'm already not bothered by not having work. Something will turn up I suppose. It is the relationship that is bothering me. It's already 20 plus days into 2009 and my contact with her has been minimal. Haven't even met once. Yet he truth is that I haven't stopped thinking about her. Not one day. I am not even sure that I want to forget her and walk away, though that is exactly what I have decided to do. Really ironic how what you want and decide to do can be so different. I am supposed to meet her this week. She is doing some part time in town now. Got a sms from her this Monday. Sat on it for a day before replying. Suggested Tuesday evening. She wasn't free. She asked for Thursday or Friday but I haven't heard from her yesterday so if we don't meet up today, I suppose it is fated to be. Y'know, I decided to accept her invitation to meet up because the deliberate distancing of myself from her isn't because I don't love her anymore. It is more like I want all of her. But as time drags, I don't even feel I deserve to be there. Walk on by. Yup. Walk on by.