Drifting in the wind

Hmm, it's been a few days since I put an entry in. A serious entry anyway. Most of what I put in the past 2 weeks was probably just records of ideas or of random experiences. No reflections of daily activity. Well, I have been drifting. I haven't got much ideas as to what I should be doing next. No solid plan, just activities to fill my time as comfortably as possible. And as the time nears for me to return to NZ, I need to prepare for my journey there. It sucks. I don't really want to go back. Let's look at this objectively... New Zealand isn't a bad place to be. The air is fresh, the pace of life easy and the drivers generally more friendly than in S'pore. I feel lonely there though. I feel it is not too bad if you have a partner to share your life with, or that you have many friends there. I have neither; No partner to speak of and I dare say Fabs and Sarshya were my only close friends there. Economically speaking, NZ is in terrible shape and I would be fortunate to get a job there. I'll just see how that goes. Hasn't been too good so far. And even if Huhus were to offer me a job again, I suppose too much bad blood and misunderstanding has happened to make it a possibility. I'm really gonna miss my friends in S'pore but I guess it i going to be a short run if I do not get a job. So as I ramble on, this has been what I am doing for the past week or so. Really routine and boring. Morning, I'd wake up at about 9 plus and go down for my coffee and breakfast. Then I'd spend a bit of time looking through the employment websites. For the rest of the day, I did probably work on my Zbrush man with plenty of "distraction breaks" along the way. Most likely play some games on the computer, watch Yakitate Japan (This wacky anime about a boy's quest for the perfect Japanese bread) and maybe read a few graphic novels. Yup, that's my routine. It's a bit like prison but I guess the greatest prison is the one of the mind. It's a lengthy entry today. Perhaps I am compensating for the days that I've skipped writing. Anyway, the last thing I wanted to confront is Valentine's day. It is a tough time for me. I want to let her know what she means to me but I have managed to convince myself that I need to disappear from her life so that she can erase the mistakes (namely me) and start building her own happy life again. Just too bad I had to be the sucker in this bum deal. Yeah, this Saturday's gonna be a day I wished I could just fast forward. It's just going to be a day of envy, lonliness and pain. Pride. I put on a strong indifferent front but I am human afterall. I hurt still. I will survive this ordeal like I have the others but I can tell you... This time ain't pleasant at all. Not one bit. There's still lots to do but I haven't got any motivation to do it. Oh well, off to the gym now I suppose. It is one of the distractions that actually benefit me.