Looking backward and forward

I wrote this entry just to bring a bit of clarity to my current situation. Please skip as it can be boring for anyone else. I used to live my life like this. I would have everything planned out and confidently execute. If it did not fit into my scheme of things, I would not accept it and make some detour towards my goal. If I felt it was the right thing to do, I would do it, regardless of the cost of other people's feelings. Right, I can be quite a bastard. 2008/09 was a season that was different for me. Southern Star was not going to increase my pay and my contract was going to end soon. I had pissed off many of my mentors and fellow colleagues not because I disliked them, but simply felt that they could do more but didn't. By a venomous combination of inaction and company culture, I (and many others) became victim of this. I spoke up against the unfairness of some of these policies and tried to change them but I just ended up looking overly aggressive. At the end of it, I had to leave. Then came the offer from Huhus. It seemed like a blessing for me. Just 2 weeks after I finished off at Southern Star, I continued into my new job as animation supervisor. Turns out I got more than I bargained for. The organisation in Huhus was terrible. Resources were not properly assigned, the schedules were in a mess and there was no proper planning and leadership at the helm. I knew I was inexperienced for this role (I would have preferred to take a lower pay and work my way up as an animator) but I tried my very best to hold it together. Still, It wasn't enough. We experienced problems from every production sector, from Canada, from China, heck, even from our own here in NZ. The stress became so bad that I got physcally ill (I never had this before). Working for Huhus was like a railway without tracks. The train was already in motion and the people on the train had to lay the tracks as the train was going forward. And at the end of it all, I got my contract prematurely ended. From 6 projects when I first came in to just 2 when I left (now it is just one). The big feature, "The Flood", was put on ice. So I came back to S'pore, not really sure what I should do. Change careers? Stick with this one? I did not have a clue. So when in doubt, just do something and hope the choices become clearer. So I spent 3 months learning Zbrush and trying to get more clarity on my future. Should I become a teacher? Open my own business? Work in CG? Depends on what I can get? The path for pretty unclear. I did not know if I should return to NZ for my PR because I didn't really like NZ anyway, but thought it might be useful for future work and business opportunities. Thus, I returned to NZ. Was really tough looking for a job in an economy that was letting go of people almost everyday. Tried to scrimp and save by eating half portions of food but all it takes is one IRD tax bill or fine to kill all that. Got a job now, though not much of one, at the Turkish Cafe. The people there are reasonably nice to me but I don't see myself there for long. I would really love to animate or model in a gaming or production house. I think I know what I should do now. I need to start by drawing again (I have not drawn in almost 2 years), devoting a bit of time each day to learning something industry related. That will lead me to revert to my normal confidence and vitality. I have been dead for 2 years and now it is time for a revival!