Monday. I am feeling physically fresher and more alert despite it being the start of the week. Healthy food does really make a difference. I spent all week feeling tired and crap (so much so that I have to take a sick day on Tuesday) and then I thought it had to be my crap diet. I have been trying to save money all these months and much as I try to get the best value my money can buy, it just didn't work. As they say, you pay for what you get. Crap budget = crap food. So I upped my budget to buy "quality" and I'd say I'm feeling better. Physically at least. Less blanking out and lapses in concentration. Look at what I made last night (see picture above). Chicken with mushrooms and garlic. Yum! I'm not Gordon Ramsey yet but I'm proud of what I've made.
I skipped Mass this week. Felt a bit far from God. Like I am somewhat deserted. Ironically, it was after last Sunday's Mass that I felt this way. I texted my Ned Flanders Uncle to let him know that Youth Mass (which I was involved in) went well. He asked me what I got out of it. I wanted to reply him "a couple of biscuits and toffee pops" but didn't want to engage in a long religious lecture with him. But yeah, I wonder what I got out of it. I don't feel more "alive" anyhow. Which brings me to my next point; I haven't been feeling "alive" lately. It's more like survival. Like a human animal. Working for my food, going from one day to the next, try not to get "eaten".
I realized that I haven't really been planning ahead. Not the way I used to. I haven't any goals, or any dreams to look forward to, or if I did, they don't seem like they were going to be reachable anyway. I am thus living like an animal; taking whatever the day gives me and somewhat cruising along, drifting wherever life takes me. That is absolutely not the way to live but I do suppose a lot of people get comfortable with it. Just ask your parents, or even your grandparents, did they really end up doing what they wanted? Or did they get bumped off course and just took what life gave them? I suppose I'm in real danger of that. Living defensively is what it is. Holed up in a bunker and getting shelled on by life until you collapse. Definitely not how I want it.
So, since I have had all my initial dreams ripped apart from me, the next logical step is to reassess which ones I can still have, or look for new ones that I would love to have. Since it is difficult sometimes to know what you REALLY want, it then makes sense to create some random ones so that you have something to live for while looking for the REAL deal. Here are a few of mine:
- Get a Labrador Retriever. That will be my first dog.
- Work out at least thrice a week.
- Get a huge-ass dog and name him "Bear". That will be my second dog.
- Do one artistic project every week (and post it) on my blog. Theme for this week: Futuristic Arabian Flying carpet infantry.
- Keep in touch with one friend each week.
- Get a tuner and play my guitar again.
Yep. That's my list for now. Let's see how much of it I can get through. I'm already feeling more positive about the week yeah!
On another note, a dear old friend tried to get in touch with me yesterday on msn but I was currently occupied. Am glad to hear from her though. She will be the friend I will contact on item 5 of my list. There was another person who did try to get me but I ignored her. Was hard to do because I still love her. But it's best for us both to start moving on and let the forgetting begin. Oh damn. I've slacked like an hour of work time. Time to catch up...
Monday. I am feeling physically fresher and more alert despite it being the start of the week. Healthy food does really make a difference. I spent all week feeling tired and crap (so much so that I have to take a sick day on Tuesday) and then I thought it had to be my crap diet. I have been trying to save money all these months and much as I try to get the best value my money can buy, it just didn't work. As they say, you pay for what you get. Crap budget = crap food. So I upped my budget to buy "quality" and I'd say I'm feeling better. Physically at least. Less blanking out and lapses in concentration. Look at what I made last night (see picture above). Chicken with mushrooms and garlic. Yum! I'm not Gordon Ramsey yet but I'm proud of what I've made.
I skipped Mass this week. Felt a bit far from God. Like I am somewhat deserted. Ironically, it was after last Sunday's Mass that I felt this way. I texted my Ned Flanders Uncle to let him know that Youth Mass (which I was involved in) went well. He asked me what I got out of it. I wanted to reply him "a couple of biscuits and toffee pops" but didn't want to engage in a long religious lecture with him. But yeah, I wonder what I got out of it. I don't feel more "alive" anyhow. Which brings me to my next point; I haven't been feeling "alive" lately. It's more like survival. Like a human animal. Working for my food, going from one day to the next, try not to get "eaten".
I realized that I haven't really been planning ahead. Not the way I used to. I haven't any goals, or any dreams to look forward to, or if I did, they don't seem like they were going to be reachable anyway. I am thus living like an animal; taking whatever the day gives me and somewhat cruising along, drifting wherever life takes me. That is absolutely not the way to live but I do suppose a lot of people get comfortable with it. Just ask your parents, or even your grandparents, did they really end up doing what they wanted? Or did they get bumped off course and just took what life gave them? I suppose I'm in real danger of that. Living defensively is what it is. Holed up in a bunker and getting shelled on by life until you collapse. Definitely not how I want it.
So, since I have had all my initial dreams ripped apart from me, the next logical step is to reassess which ones I can still have, or look for new ones that I would love to have. Since it is difficult sometimes to know what you REALLY want, it then makes sense to create some random ones so that you have something to live for while looking for the REAL deal. Here are a few of mine:
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