Catholic goes to Hell

Tough day at work today. Hard difficulty trying to stay awake and focused on my work. Kept thinking of themes like "growing wings to fly away" and so on andso forth. Got a free lunch today. My colleague Jill, who is aguably the only person with a normal social capacity, made some beef chilli rice. Was good even if the portion was a bit small. Must think that all Asians are small because they eat little. Well, went for a bit of shopping after work and decided to try Hell's pizza for the very first time. Most Kiwis will be shocked that this is my first visit to this pizza restaurant in like 2 years. Hey, I'm Catholic and am thus slightly apprehensive about using Hell as a marketing theme. But today, I decided to try it out...

Here's Hell pizza. They've got a consistent theme I gotta say...

Here's the ordering counter, complete with hanging deformed freak dolls and devil portraits...

Here's the pizza. Tasted yummy (I had the one called "Mischief"), though I would have liked the chilli more evenly spread...

Here's the thing that's really cool about the packaging. You can tear off part of the pizza box that folds up into a smaller sized box to keep your leftover pizza slices...

And it is in the shape of a coffin! How cool is that?!!

Meanwhile, my box of books has arrived. Pretty quick really (Less than a week). Now all that's left is to sell them. Lordy, I'm really dragging on the business plan thing. I do find my days more productive now and the busyness does help me to deal with my apparent loneliness. Still, there are moments where utter despair and weariness is felt. I wonder if there actually is a balanced routine I can settle into, or is it another one of those "life-is-good" lies we lead ourselves to believe. Sticking with the theme of hell, I envisioned a bit of how my funeral would be if I kicked it now. I see the faces that will be there and those that won't be. I see heart-brokened family, especially my mom, who is likely to take it the hardest. And I see that none of the work even matters. For that matter, most of the colleagues are just there for formality and free punch. And there I see it, a life that wasn't very useful, didn't do much, and wasn't all that meaningful. Worse is, I can't seem to know what to do to shake off this eventuality. I suppose I could look for things I can change, change those and then grow my sphere of influence. But why does it feel so very hard to do so?