No man can serve two masters

Deep breaths. Inhale. Hold it, hold it, exhale. That is me trying to keep calm but I fail miserably at such. I am feeling like the All Whites (NZ Soccer team) now; trying very hard but somehow cannot win a game. Oh well then, a draw is pretty good isn't it? I have been here many times before; like a lone Spartan fighting a horde of dysfunction and eventually get crushed. I suppose it is a combination of winter as well as stress. I am getting so run down that even my immune system is starting to strain. Ever so often, I just break out into a bad, itchy rash that will not seem to go away. Tried eating well but it does not seem to have a noticeable effect on me. Tried to relax over the weekend. Watched Shrek Happily Ever After and I did enjoy it. Makes you wonder does it? Do we take everything we have for granted and make ourselves miserable, only to realize how good we actually had it when it gets taken away from you... I do wonder everyday if I am doing well. I have a nice house, a nice car, an okay job, lots of freedom and a very supportive family back in S'pore. Yet the heart grows impatient and yearns for other things...

• I wish I was doing something I enjoyed (creating the next big animated TV series or game for all kids to enjoy).
• I wish I could take my friends along with me to NZ.
• I wish I didn't have to face life alone and carry this burden myself. On some days I could really use some company and not return to an empty house after work.
• I wish I could have some ba chor mee.

Jesus was right in saying that no man can serve two masters (Yes I went for Mass today). I can't do this current job till retirement and till now, I still see it as just a stepping stone to my dream job. I guess part of the reason I failed in the 3D industry was that I didn't have any solid fundamental skills that were strongly marketable. I clearly had talent but because I had no foundation, it fell apart quickly. I do want to put aside some money and time to do a foundation course in 3D some time in the near future, with a focus on modeling and texturing. Am I too late (now that I am nearing 30)? I realize that I must always have a backup plan given the uncertainty of this industry but I just can't help but feel how right this decision is. Even if I never work in 3D again, I gain the skills needed to achieve my dreams. This is far better than leaving everything I was and pretend to be someone else for the rest of my life. Hmm, I did feel a little happier just thinking about this. I was deeply saddened by the thought that I might never achieve my dreams.