I really want to wish my mum happy mother's day...

It is Sunday and also mother's day today.

My car is still under repair in the garage and so I walked to Queensgate Mall just to get a bit of exercise and also to have lunch. I just wanted to do something to keep my mind off my problems and boy, it does seem I am headed for another "Life crash". All too familiar, like back in 2008. Job is uncertain, car is broken down and I seem to just want to lock myself away lest I hurt my loved ones. Quite frankly, I was having a horrible time at work this past two weeks. Loads of interruptions due to taking time off for family and it doesn't help that the company is saddled with problems, largely due to an absentee boss. Yet rather than acknowledge his lack of involvement in dealing with the company's problems, boss (and unfortunately my uncle as well) pins it largely on me. If this wasn't "backstab" enough, he rattled of a whole tale of how I was ineffectual at work TO MY PARENTS. Now thanks to him, my parents are going to be distressed and worried. It seems so unfair that his wife has a wonderful mother's day and mine has to suffer with the distress and worry brought by this tale (a lot of it he didn't even have the courtesy to talk to me about). Y'know. I look around my house now and am so touched by the little bits of love my mother left for me. My eyes are not dry as I type this post. A little more food in the pantry, an empty plastic box to cart my stuff away in case an earthquake hits, an extra mink blanket to keep me warm through winter's cold... I really do have a wonderful mother but I feel I let her down constantly. I can't be the son who puts her mind at ease, a son who has now firmly established himself and gives her no worries. Instead, I drift through life as a souless husk of a man, wondering how I can actually make things right again. Here I am wanting so much to say "Happy Mother's day" to her, but I don't think I can say it without it being hollow. At least I can say "I love you, mum" and mean it. Damn. Damn life and all it's lemons.