Sisyphus complex...

Ah, back to my blog again to unload my troubles... Just two weeks ago I had a huge fallout with two of my colleagues at work. Now 3 (one minion has allied with them) of 7 people in the Wellington office are giving me the cold shoulder. Unfortunate that it had to happen but when they started shit stirring, I had to step in and put a stop to their BS. Anyhow, two weeks on, and I have broken friendships and it has been rather awkward at work. There always was a leadership vacuum in the company but I never really suffered for it till now. Oh well, I guess if we want to drag this out, eventually they will be the losers. Still, it makes work very unenjoyable. Frankly, I do not know where my life is headed to. Most of my peers are already married/financially independent, while I spend my days either digging myself out of holes, or digging myself deeper into one. I am still at "don't know" whereas the others seem to be moving ahead of me. Not that I want what they are having. Kids? Not an appealing idea. The world has gone to fuck as I know it and much as I am trying to get done with life, I don't think I should subject another person to the same BS. Houses? It is just a big box for God's sake. No material possession = no worries. I have enough to buy everything I need now (and then some) so what is my problem? Of course you can do more with a ton of cash, like travel the world and such but honestly, material possessions are merely distractions and poor substitutes to cover insecurities and the fact that you have little control over your destiny. Spiritually, I am kinda empty. I am grateful that I have a loving family who keep supporting me through all times but then there isn't a person in this world who can actually make me believe there is a God. Everyday, I see more wretchedness and weakness in humanity. Am tired now. Another night's rest before I wake up and roll my boulder up the hill (like Sisyphus did), only for it to roll down again.