Now and Then

Just this past week, my youngest uncle (mother's side) came down to NZ to live with me for a week. I think my family was sensing in me a depression (due to my job) that kept me in a rut. I appreciated the gesture that someone would care enough about me to sit and listen to my dreams, fears and problems, while at the same time laying out the realities of the situation. It has gotten me to reflect how my attitudes towards life have gotten me to where I am now, good or bad. In my reflection, I dug up these two photos; 5 years ago then and a recent one of me now. Incidentally, I am still wearing the same shirt I wore all those years ago but let's not get side tracked. Comparing the two photos, other than the obvious physical differences (okay, I've gotten fat), I really don't feel much different. I'm not sure if that is a good thing. While it is good to still feel young, it may also show a lack of progress and breakthrough in life. It is like a General Paper exam. Around me, I have seen my peers have already completed half their essay - family, career etc, while I do not seem to even know what to write. By now, I have written half my essay and it somehow just isn't working out. Change the topic now (before it is too late)? Or force it to a finish? And then you hear your well-meaning parents telling you to write what everyone else is writing. The path of convention - get a govt job, start a family etc. Confirm pass and even get a distinction, even if you don't like the essay. Or can we turn this around quickly and make it both what we want, and also do well for the exam? Not easy choices. But it is now or never. By the time we get to the end of the exam, we are locked into what we have already written. And as each day passes, less time to get things right.