Being my own shrink

I am feeling "life-tired" again. Y'know the kind of "What's the point?" thinking accompanied by the stress and burden of having many things to keep track of, but no clarity of mind to take care of it. It is my worst mode of functioning - The thoughts dance around my mind like mosquitoes and wear me down. I start to blank out when I really should be sharper. I know some people thrive under pressure. They love the excitement that stress brings - and they bring their A-game to the table. Well, I ain't that kind of person. Even now I feel my mind compartmentalize and each of these sections start sealing off to "protect" my mind from the pressure. Blanks out again.

This is kind of what is happening in my life now. I'm trying to get my act together but it is not what I have had in mind. Well, not entirely. After leaving Singapore for NZ to pursue my dream, I ended up being there for 5 years. I ended up being isolated, unhappy, fat and generally unexcited about life. So I decide to return to Singapore. At least my family is here. My friends too. And I can finally have the puppy I so wanted all my life. Plus I get to finish up my Zbrush project. And eventually settle into a job and the busy Singaporean life. Some of it has happened, my family has been great, supporting me in doing what I want to (even if I'm often unsure of what I want to do with life). I am getting time with friends but now it is difficult to get people together because they all have their own commitments. Puppy? Good Lord, I sound like a little child. But that doesn't look like it is going to happen any time soon due to work. I did manage to finish my zbrush project and was happy to. Still slowly working on the 2nd project but not really motivated. And job. It is getting to be quite a challenge here but at least I don't find the work itself unpleasant. So much rambling - wish I didn't feel this way. I just need to relax a bit and work this thing through.

I probably have a lot more to say (which I cannot find the words now) but I think I should just do a contentment drill post. I let the busyness of life get in my way and forgot to do it for some time and that has a negative impact on my outlook of life. So...

3 things to be grateful for:

1. Family - We are going for a buffet lunch together after Church. I'm glad my family is close and supportive of me.
2. It is a beautiful sunny day - It is probably dark and freezing in NZ now. Hated that but now, it is blue skies and sun.
3. My single life - Man, this is a bit of a human irony. I'd admit that at times the loneliness gnaws at you but I am actually happy to be without any major commitments. 

Journaling - Done.

Exercise - I did go for a short run yesterday. I should probably do 20 press ups before I go to Church.

Meditation - It is hard to get my mind quiet but I think I just need to breathe a little.

Random acts of kindness - Helped mum with the internet when she wanted to check out her coming trip to Eastern Europe.

I do actually feel a lot better now. =) I'm my own shrink.