Grit

Weekend is trickling to an end here. I'm having a little personal crisis here. I don't think my problems are huge but yet I am very disturbed by them. So much so that I have a mild headache now, no doubt caused by my own stressing over what must be a small matter about work. Too often I think of quitting. Too often I think of walking away. And yet this is my time to learn something, to break through the years of lethargy in NZ, to re-discover my grit. Yeah, grit. I used to have a great deal of it. And now, I wonder where that fighter's toughness is.

I mean, I was the person who:

1. Fought against my first firing, who (in my manager's own words) "grabbed the bull by it's horns" and wrestled the job at Southern Star down. That, despite not knowing a whole lot. But I was confident and plowed my way through obstacles.
2. Had the guts and will to leave Singapore for NZ to pursue my dream. Although it didn't work out eventually, I survived the experience.
3. Climbed Mt Kinabalu as a 14 year old kid. Crawled my way up the summit just so all those critics who ever said "he's too small" would be forced to eat their words.

Grit. I had it and I think I still have it. Yet all I desire now is to fade away. Mark Caubo (My friend in Auckland who stood by me during my NZ unemployment days) was right; Life is like solving a rubik's cube - Some times you need to mess it up to get it right.