Just because...

Okay, admittedly life has become rather stale and boring for me. So stale that I am starting to look at the possibility of living out my remaining years alone and hereby closing the chapter of the Chu family forever. It won't be a total extinction as the cousins will still carry on but for me, no more. Thus ends the cycle of birth, pointless existence and then death. It sounds very depressing but it is an eventuality I need to prepare for. It is late at night now and I am wondering what makes me want to wake up in the morning. I grab the hidden bottle of wine in my closet and take two gulps of it just to numb my senses for a while. I don't like being like this. I want to be excited about life again and I want to try hard to break through this staleness and monotony. And so I got out and walked to Chinese garden just because... just because I wanted to see what it would be like to climb up that pagoda, all the way to the top, and look out to see what it was like. I had this thought on Friday whilst on the way to work and actually did it on Saturday afternoon. Perhaps there will be something worth waking up for if I hang on long enough. Perhaps someone will show me life is beautiful. Right now though, I need to try. Try just because... just because I wanted to see what it would be like. Do something just because I felt like it. Was it Sir Edmund Hilary that replied "Because it is there" when asked why he wanted to climb Everest? Doesn't matter. My point is if you don't have any goals in life, then for fuck's sake go make some. Doesn't matter how random or stupid it sounds. Sometimes "just because" is all you need.