Self reflection

Man, I'm dog tired. And it is just the morning. I put on some meditative music to try to get into a better state of mind. It is way too early for beer. Deep breaths. Inhale. Exhale. Deep breaths.

Fear. Frustration. They dominate my thoughts. I think about a lot of things. Where I am. Where I'd like to be. What do I do about it? Do I dare to do something about it? I feel trapped in myself. Trapped in an imaginary structure, 4 walls around me. Oddly, I'm not terribly upset - I only get those when I had hoped for something and then my hopes are disappointed. I have no hopes now. I only have illusions of hope.

I retreat into the comforting prison of my mind. The one place that no one can breach. My body I leave behind, auto-pilot engaged. It goes to work, runs through the daily routine. There is movement but no finesse, intention but no direction. And then the dictates of time come in and I must go. One more hour of solace I can steal on the train to work. Even in the worst of times, there exists moments of rest.