Lethargic Tuesday

How am I feeling now? A bit of worried and lethargic? It is Tuesday today and it is likely that I will waste most of it away. I realized that I don't observe my schedule strictly and often, I don't do half of the things I put in there. Are there too many things in there? Or have I not been putting the important things first? I sleep late because I'm not tired enough and wake up too early because the neighborhood uncles just NEED to start playing basketball at the break of dawn. I've pushed Project Ebon-knee a bit further, though I do not think I have moved fast enough on it. I have played too many rounds of Marvel Puzzle Quest and watched too many episodes of Russell Howard's Good News. 

Spiritually, I am at a new low. My belief level is shocking for a Catholic. I am not even sure I should be called one. I go to Mass (not really wanting to be there), then hear what the Priest says. Most of the time, it is just a convoluted jumble with no strong, coherent point. Either that, or the message just goes to "meh, point noted, I'll believe if something changes in my life." Fat Uncle is in hospital now in a bad way. The family is praying that he will accept Christ and preach to him every time they go visit him. I kind of think that since no one of us has died (and known the outcome), how can we impose our religion on him? Of course if one has an unshakable belief in God, then they can do so. But really, I do find myself in a dilemma here. I know that there are Christians who really go around doing good and I think that is beautiful. But right here in my own home, my own family is a prime example of Christian hypocrisy. We go to Church but NOTHING changes. We might as well not go. We say we trust God and Jesus as our Lord and savior and we do NONE of the things he tells us to do. We worry about every fuck thing there is on earth and how could you if God was really in charge? We focus and nitpick of each other's flaws like vultures. We do not visit our sick and dying friends and we have no respect for each other. Then I think, "What is the point of it all?" I might as well not hold myself to such a standard and join the pagans. I hate to think of my family this way but this is the truth. We aren't much good to anyone out there and that is a fucked up way to live.

Anyway, on to something else. Although I ran yesterday, I think I am not exercising enough. My weight is still holding at 70kg. Kat says I lost weight but I still feel largely the same. Still, small improvements are small blessings. I think I might just go and shoot a few baskets after this blog post.

Lastly... Something I struggle with badly - The job search. I have finished reading the job seek book (pictured above) and it is a great book. I haven't applied for a job for 2 weeks already and I think I need to start psyching myself up to do it.