First post of 2015

2015. Here comes my first post, together with an update of my work. I got an interview on Friday and they offered to start me on orientation on the following Monday but I had a long hard think about it and it doesn't seem to be a right thing for me to be doing. They offered me $2800 as a freelance fee but somehow I think the arrangement doesn't suit me. Chances don't come often to me and I had to let this one go. Why do some people succeed and some don't? I ask myself this all the time. Belief is a huge part of this. If you believe in yourself, then you will spare no effort, push aside your critics, see all setbacks as temporary, and surge unwaveringly towards your dream. And yet here I am, burning the last remnants of my youth, chasing something that I do not know if I will succeed in. I am fighting tired. I am fighting the voices in my head that tell me to do what others are doing, and get what they are getting. I would like to be a free wolf, lean, mean and free and not licking someone's toes like some pet dog. I feel so much pressure. So much because what is already in my head, my hands are slow to realize. If so, then nobody would know how good you are, simply because you can't finish expressing your thoughts. What do I do? How do I show this talent and profit from it? I am hitting 35 and I don't have a damn clue of how to do this.