In the dark place...

I'm in the dark place again. The one place where you feel a sense of foreboding doom, where you take the long trek that never reaches the destination, and put in the hard work but get no reward. I had a good nap just now and it certainly helped and I did not get much sleep last night. First it was the bloody mosquito, and then it was my own inability to sleep. I have almost finished Project Ebon-knee. I've done most of the texturing and all that is left is just some weathering and the weapon. The work is good. Mum saw it and said it was "nice". This was particularly special because my mother is my harshest critic. She is always beating me down because she is the most negative pessimist ever. Case in point, she asked me "What are you doing this for?" I answered "For my own satisfaction". I didn't think of a better answer. I thought of using it as my key to enter into something I would like to do. Why is it so damn hard? I always knew I had good ideas and in the past, I failed because I couldn't express them well. Now I can express them (and of course they can improve), but i don't seem to be able to find a market for them. I pray that doors will open if I try hard. And I will try hard today.