The waiting game continues...

The cruel wait continues.

I am not sure what to make of it. Have I lost it? Or is it just a short delay. I haven't been sleeping well or working well this past week. And I feel so drained and anxious but I suppose whatever needs to happen, will happen. I hate myself being like this. For the large part of it, effort brings the reward. It is one of the fundamentals in life. I haven't had much of that. I keep telling myself I did the best I could have and I can't keep beating myself up over it. And what do you mean by effort. I always put it in. But an inspired effort is 10 times better and easier than an effort given in depression. I hate to think there isn't any fight left in me. But really, on a day like this, I've got no fight in me at all.