Messy mind, messy heart, messy everything

I had another night of not sleeping well. It begins with a thought that drops like a lazy ping pong ball in your head. A few bounces later, it has defied all laws of physics and caroms with great force and speed inside my mind like a super collider. I think it starts with the approach of Valentine's Day. For years and years this day has meant nothing to me but now it has started to rake open hidden memories and I am once again confronted with things that I do not have a clear answer for. 

As an INTJ, this is an extremely uncomfortable place. I am used to having all the answers. This is why I dread dates and interviews; two things that are extremely difficult to rationalize, two things that can come to nothing despite giving it your all. Do you like someone? Yes. Is this the time to tell her? I don't know. How does she feel about you? I don't know either. Does she have someone else in her life? Can't be sure. Should you just accept that you aren't ever going to figure this shit out and give up before it ends badly for everyone? Again another question mark. 

I also know that I am an extremely private person. This blog is probably the place that reveals my most authentic self. Yet even if you read through all of it, you might not see the real me because still much of myself is hidden. Even then, I hesitate to share this blog. Why is there a Lego pic here? I don't really know. Perhaps something to give me some respite and make me smile. Perhaps this is what I do to mask my thoughts (Insert a photo that doesn't have anything to do with the text of this post).