I tell myself a lot of things

Why am I here today? I'm a little late since I was planning to blog yesterday but here I am. I don't really know what I want to say here. I just feel off balance and perhaps I hope that being here will allow me a little time to either work out why, or at least park the restless thoughts and feelings here so that I can get on with my day-to-day a little better.

I'm coping with my day-to-day work. True, it can get frustrating at times and it feels like I have to give everything a huge push just to have small wins. I started out quite pumped at the start of the day but ended up exhausted by mid-day. It is satisfying to make these lists and then see the items go down one by one.

In my personal development side, I have started learning Blender. It is like having a coma and then having to learn how to walk again. I'm still glad I started. Lifelong learning is important. Learning a skill when you didn't need it will definitely give you options in the future when you do. Never stop learning. I remember feeling really useless back when I was unemployed in NZ but I managed to learn some Photoshop stuff that I still use today. So yeah, keep learning.

 This last part of me is perhaps the one I'm having the most difficulty with. It is that gnawing loneliness that takes root in my heart and somehow takes on a life on its own. I don't really know what to do with it. I tell myself to just get on with life, to be a useful person. I tell myself not to be so self-obsessed and maybe look towards what value you can give to others. I tell myself I'm lucky that I do not have marital/relational problems to deal with. I tell myself to give up because I never really had a shot anyway. I tell myself I'm lucky and that people are struggling with problems so much greater than my own. I tell myself a lot of things.