It can be lonely sometimes

Saturday. Normally this wouldn't be a work day but there is an event on today. I just completed 2 important work presentations and it feels good to have completed those. I paid $40 (well $39.90) for one Lego minifig and I thought that was crazy. Glad to have it though. Not everyone can see its value. It is old and the paint has some minor chips. A bit like me now.

I'm lucky though. I think I am free of the burdens and responsibilities that many people have. I earn enough to spend and I am in good health (I just did my medical and have the all good). In all honesty, nothing is going badly for me. 

Then sometimes, just sometimes, I feel lonely. It is like I have be able to get almost everything I need (or want) but there is that one thing that eludes me. I think giving up might not be such a bad idea after all. If I look at this through my lens of experience, it never ended well. Perhaps I never even had a chance at all. Giving up can be liberating - you do not have to worry about making someone else happy, or how they might feel about something. Accepting this has been difficult for me. Every now and then the flickers of hope reignite and the promise seems to call again. But it has always ended up empty, and I ask myself why I would be so foolish to keep springing the same trap. Over and over again. No matter how it hurts.