Don't measure up

What a way to start Monday... With a depressing phrase that is in this title. I know a lot about "not measuring up". I spent my whole life behind reminded of it. Most of the time, I just get through it. I do not like the seeming unfairness of it but most of the time, I just press on. If I ain't tall enough, then I'll jump. Turns out that I got tired after a while from all that jumping. I just accept it now. Willingly or not, it is something that will be with me till I die. I guess what this rant has taught me is that no matter how you see your situation, there is someone out there who would switch places with you in an instance. There will be someone with less that has made more of their life than you have. 

Perhaps the lesson of this is that if you focus on what you think are unfair disadvantages life places on you, you end up with a mindset of "don't measure up" that won't lead to anything fruitful down the road. But you can turn this to your advantage. Since no one expects anything of you, just try. Just give it your best, and you can because there is no pressure. Just enjoy the process, and more likely than not, good things will happen.

UPDATE (6/4/2023):

I felt it again. That corrupting feeling of "not being enough". I spent the day feeling drained and somewhat useless. I am not sure if I am even dealing with this properly but it always seems to help if I can park this burden in my blog for a while. Just like when I put something on my to-do post-it so that I know I won't need to constantly take up headspace with that task once I put in down. Boy, am I glad I have some time to cool down over this Good Friday break. An off day will be psychologically healthy.

And then I go to this place where I imagine myself speaking to God...

God: Who has judged you to be inadequate? 

Me: No one. I have deemed myself unworthy.

God: Why do you think yourself unworthy?

Me: Maybe it is because rejection is a terrible feeling. I reject myself so that no one can reject me. Perhaps this way, I am somehow in control of this terrible feeling. 

God: And what does this do to you?

Me: It gives me an excuse to give up before I even try. I forfeit the game before I even start. 

God: So what does this lead to?

Me: I feel even more unworthy because I never tried. I feel ashamed that I gave up before starting.

God: So what have you learned?

Me: I should always try. If no one has counted me out, then I should not count myself out. I should also recognize when I have gotten to a place that isn't mentally healthy, and deal with this before it spirals out of control.

God: And when times are tough, don't forget that I love you. John 3:16.