I turn 43: Blown by the wind

September 01, 2023

I turn 43: Blown by the wind

I turned 43 yesterday.

I am pretty happy with how my day went and each year that passes is a reminder that time is precious. I am reminded to be grateful for the people around me. My immediate family, who have shown me lots of love over the years. My extended family, whom I have been blessed with, continue to be my support. Friends, near and far, some close and some distant, but all have walked this journey with me at one point or another.

But life isn't always smooth sailing. I am on reservist now and I left a lot of work behind for my colleagues to pick up. I understand that it is a team game and when you are out, the best you can do is trust your team mates to continue the game until you can get back to contribute. I also know I have struggles in several areas of my life. Job wise, I have come to the point where perhaps I am a bit jaded and frustrated about how some things are going. I am also worried about being able to authentic to myself in my current role but eh, just try your best I suppose. I think it has come to a point where the best things I can deliver are not the things that the bosses are requiring from me and that is a worry.

Birthdays are also strange times where I get peculiarly introspective; I do feel I am just going through life without much intent. I heard sailing is "wu wei" but rowing is not. As I age, I feel there is less choice to row, and perhaps I am more prone to be blown wherever the wind takes me.

I suppose the other area of life I still feel a void in is my love life (or lack of). I wonder if it is my fate to just walk this life alone. Again, in this area, I am sailing rather than rowing. Maybe I can still do it in this lifetime. Being blown by the wind isn't particularly bad but maybe it is time to check the sails.

I have not opened this beauty yet...Rivendell. I suppose one of the good things about adulthood is you can buy yourself what you REALLY want for your b'day