Life's a struggle but worth the trouble
I woke up feeling quite shitty again. As usual, I didn't have much of a plan. Answered some emails, felt tired, dozed off a bit and then went on to pretty much waste my day away. Did enjoy watching NBA TV on youtube though. And got some things more or less settled (though not in the way I wanted). For example, I paid the "family fund" $200 every 2 weeks but the truth is, I dislike everything that is remotely considered "family" activity; the way my parents kinda live in the past. When I get sick of it, I go to the library or Jurong Point to cool off. And I did not get my freelance subsidy for the course. But I dun think it is all bad. There is always a way out though I sometimes struggle to catch a break. I wonder why I chose to be different and the doubts creep in. Maybe I ain't so smart. Maybe I ain't special. Maybe life is just this and I was a fool to think it could be more. Maybe I missed the bus on love. And the boat too. And the hovercraft and airplane too. Maybe I should have taken the iron ricebowl of a government job. Maybe I should be more the son my parents expect me to be. Maybe. Maybe. Maybe. And yet, if I do not try to find my own meaning and guide my own life, the only certainty I am assured of is regret.
So now here comes the daily drill:
3 Gratitudes
- NBA tv - Great stuff. Loved the "Who was better - Hakeem or Ewing?" episode. Ans: Hakeem
- The Jurong West Community Library - For all those years I spent with a limited selection from Lower Hutt's Library, we should all be glad that we have such a fantastic National Library. It is also my refuge when I need to escape when my home starts to feel like a dungeon. One of the few places in Singapore that is actually quiet and air-conditioned. The other is probably Mandai Crematorium.
- I got a beaming smile from a neighbour when I exited the lift. That was probably the most refreshing thing I have seen all day.
Journaling - Done
Exercise - Ran 7 rounds round the running track. Should have clocked 2.8km plus but the pedometer only shows 1.6km???
Meditation - Tried to find some books to help with this but trying to get something that isn't new age shite. Ended up with a book on how type logic affect work attitudes.
Random acts of kindness - I volunteered to do the dishes. VOLUNTEERED.
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