Fighting yourself

Monday. It means nothing to me now. Only as a reminder that I am not working. I have woken up at around the time I have intended but have been lazing around, fighting myself as to whether I should run or not. Eventually I watched a Rocky trailer and that inspired me to get my lazy ass off to a run. I did 2.4km (6 rounds) in the scorching heat and rewarded myself with breakfast and my kopi peng (ice coffee). I do not intend to do very much today - It is my best buddy's birthday today and I planned to spend some time with him. I was considering doing a Segway tour with him but I did not think I should spend so much money when I am jobless. Jobless - It is amazing how this thing can dominate your life. By all rights, it should be just one of the things in life. Back to our hunter gatherer roots it was simple - no food, go look for food. No one spent their entire day obsessing over "am I good enough?" or "am I hunting the right food?" While I am here contemplating my situation (and feeling really conflicted about it), I then see the trailer for Blizzard's "Overwatch". AND IT BLEW MY MIND. I felt that I could really do it. Really get there and be good at this. I have already almost brought my Ebon-knee concept to life - And I believe he would just be the first of my many creations. I'm praying and praying so damn hard that I will make the right decisions. That I will choose the right path and excel at what I do. I don't want to feel conflicted any more. I want it to feel right. I had this feeling and confidence when I was younger and while it may be due to brashness and even inexperience, the feeling was great. People respected my determination and drive. More importantly, I did too. I need to fear less and do more. I need a plan. And I need to believe in it.