To be a creator

Another day of getting up - and then feeling so tired that I want to go back to bed again. I got quite upset over some of my past failures and maybe I should just leave them there. I would like to think I am different from most people. That I would find a way to thrive, to succeed without compromising what I was meant to be. I do not think that many people have that strong feeling that they were meant to do something. I guess I somewhat have a vague feeling of where I am supposed to look but really, I feel like a fish out of water some days. I restarted my job search activities but still feel a sense of futility in my search.

Here's why:

Primary Goal: My goal is to ultimately make a living as a CREATOR of a mind-blowing franchise (think Star Wars or Mass Effect).

For: 

1. I already have the creative capacity/talent to do this. 

2. I have little personal commitments now and my presentation skills are improving - There is less of a gap between the idea of the mind and the final outcome.

3. Throughout the years, I have developed many skills that would help me as a creator: 3D, 2D, illustration, animation, project management.

4. I am not old yet. Although I will soon be.

Against:

1. There are very few successful role models to reach out to and mentor under.

2. The lack of meaningful relationships creates a destructive cycle - What's the point? Who am I doing it for? Why should I be motivated to do this?

3. The many skills I have developed are not necessarily the ones demanded by the market. Even if they are, specialists are heavily favored.

4. Lack of platform/network for expression to gain feedback on work.

5. I'm too slow to be production-viable - As you reach a higher level, it takes more time to achieve that new standard. There is no escape from the hours, days, months and even years it takes to complete a great work.

Recommended solutions:

1. Reach out to people who are already successful and ask them to help you.

2. Get a meaningful job that you can learn and earn and climb to the next step.

3. Learn to get feedback on your work. While it is good to be independent in your work and thinking, you must first prove that you can do the conventional stuff well too. Even Picasso had to prove he could paint "Boy with a pipe" before he could indulge in his cubism work. Specialize in something.

4. Show your work to more people. To friends, to mentors. Market yourself. 

5. Practice and spend the hours. Be cunning and work around your weaknesses. Learn to take the hard hits. Learn to stand up again... and again... and again. Until you are strong enough to take the punch and counter it with gusto.