When will I get my life right?

Alright. Where am I now? Why the hell am I so slow. Why do I find it difficult to sleep at night? Undoubtedly, I have been quite creative in the past months. First completing Project Ebon-knee, and then now halfway through Project Lego Singapore (See above). And I am poor. Poor and unrewarded for the effort I have put in. It is unfair. I am smart and I am hardworking, but I somehow cannot get rewarded for my effort. What do I lack? Socialization perhaps. Being social allows you to be well-informed and have a great network of support to make your life smoother. I do not know if going to NZ was a mistake, but it clearly destroyed some of my friendships and when I returned to Singapore, it was more of the same. In fact, it became even worse because friends now have their own families and their own financial independence. Me? I keep paying for useless lessons and working in shit jobs. Neither here nor there is a bad feeling. I am glad that I at least have a chance to design and make my own stuff. But the future is dark and scary for me. I carry the burden and pressure of wasted time. But time always needs to be wasted in order to learn something, to learn something that can earn something. I have restarted my application process so many damn times but still no demand. So what kind of job can I do? That is perhaps a great question to ask.