You don't lose them, you return them

I had another night of interrupted sleep last night. Too much on my mind and the night was too hot. I suppose I am trying to come to terms with my decision to stop engaging with a certain cherished person in my life. The conflict is real and the sense of loss is there. I am constantly wondering if I had done the right thing and I am trying to convince myself that I am. But if it is the right thing to do, then why are you so bothered by it that you are losing sleep at night? Then what is the alternative? If it ultimately ends at this same point then I might as well leave now. It is cleaner. Probably better for both of us. I think about what I would say to her if we were to ever meet again. Somehow even this is difficult to do, and the words do not carry the meaning from my heart.

I am aware that I come across as somewhat bitter. I am not. I certainly hope that things could have turned out differently but I enjoyed all the time we ever had together. I saw somewhere that you don't lose people but return them to where they belong. If they belong with you, they will return to you. If they don't, then they have just been returned to the place that they belong to. I only wished that the process of "return" wouldn't be so painful.